Working the Steps for Love Addicts

For love addicts, finding balance in life can be a struggle. Understanding and respecting one’s own boundaries requires that one has a knowledge of themselves and their limits, and also, an honesty regarding the unmanageability that love addiction and toxic relationships can cause.

Entering a 12-step program such as SLAA (Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous) can be a very important part of the recovery work from love addiction. Modeled after the 12 steps of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), the 12 steps for recovery from love addiction look similar, with just a few differences that address the addiction specifically.

Working the steps has many benefits; among them, developing new ways of relating to others and new choices of how to be in the world. Prior to working a 12-step program, we may have found ourselves attracted only to other love addicts or other love avoidants. When we work the steps, we learn to love ourselves, and in turn, select more functional partners for relationships.

Sometimes initially in SLAA, we may be asked to refrain from being involved in a romantic relationship. This is to help us do important work on ourselves without the distraction that a relationship can bring with it. Working a solid program in SLAA can help us to become aware of the ways that we as love addicts create chaos and intensity, often mistaking these qualities for genuine intimacy. Having the time and space to begin learning how to be truly intimate can start with learning how to be authentically intimate with ourselves.

Working on unrealistic expectations about others can also be an important part of our recovery from love addiction. While working the steps, we might find ourselves reviewing our pasts; that is, examining our family of origin and making the discovery that we did not get some crucial emotional needs met in childhood. That can translate to bringing those unresolved feelings into our adult relationships, and re-enacting painful childhood experiences, in the hopes of creating a different outcome from the one we experienced in our past.

One very important part of this work is coming to the realization that other adults cannot fulfill unresolved childhood needs, and cannot be expected to love us unconditionally like a parent would. This is a need that we can only fulfill for ourselves. While it can be a painful realization to acknowledge that others can’t heal our past emotional wounds, new growth can be achieved through confronting our codependency and learning how to function interdependently, rather than relying on others for what we can only supply to ourselves. In recovery, we come to have realistic expectations about others, and we own our parts in relational interactions.

People who struggle with intimacy issues can benefit greatly from getting support. A solid relationship with a skilled therapist trained in love & sex addiction can help guide the individual through this process. At Center For Healthy Sex (www.centerforhealthysex.com), we offer individual, group and intensive therapy programs to effectively address sex addiction, love addiction and intimacy issues.

Is your partner cheating on you?

Did you know that 50-70% of married men cheat?! AND, 2/3 of all women being cheated on have no idea.  If you think your spouse is cheating then they probably are.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agi-smith/im-divorced-but-the-shame_b_817109.html?ref=email_share

TIME Magazine questions sex addiction as a bona fide problem

The battle continues on whether sex addiction is really a problem of addiction or bad behavior.  I contend that what we call “sex addiction” is really a problem of unresolved childhood trauma that leads to repetitive, often destructive behaviors.

Take a look at this article and let us know what you think by clicking the comment button below.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2050027,00.html

Sex addiction rehab a thriving industry

Is sex addiction treatment big business OR is the problem growing so rapidly that treatment centers are needed? The Los Angeles Times ran an article on Monday, November 15 posing these questions and begain the article with the services the Center for Healthy Sex provides:

When she hung out her shingle as a sex addiction therapist in 1997, Alexandra Katehakis had only a handful of colleagues.

“There were five people in this field and we all knew each other,” she said.

These days, Katehakis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, has hundreds of competitors and has grown her Los Angeles solo practice into the Center for Healthy Sex, “a full-blown organization” with a team of counselors, an intensive outpatient program, a range of therapy groups, an expansive website and training for other therapists.

Celebrities have been the greatest evangelists for treatment. “My practice wouldn’t exist without them,” Katehakis said.

To read the entire article go to:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-et-sex-addiction-20101115,0,3778215.story

Females can be sex addicts too!

A recent article in Marie Claire Magazine talks about how sex addiction affects females.  I believe women get caught in a neuro-hormonal roller coaster where they chase sex for love hoping to meet “the one.” Take a look at this well-written article. Female sex Addiction Treatment Los Angeles

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/women-sex-addicts


Female sex and love addiction

Women have a lot of difficulty getting the courage to reach out and get the help they need when it comes to problematic sexual behaviors.  A the Center for Healthy Sex, we’re committed to helping women talk about and heal from these issues without shame.

To learn more about this problem, take a look at this article I co-wrote with Caroline Frost of CHS

recoveryview.com/2010/09/understanding-female-sex-addiction/

Let us know what you think by clicking the comment button below.

Assessing and Treating Love Addiction Free CEU Course at CHS, August 27

Join Aaron Alan, MFT, CSAT as he talks to you about “Assessing and Treating Love Addiction,” on Friday, August 27, 2010 at the Center for Healthy Sex.  Enjoy a cup of coffee and pastry as Aaron takes you through the mysterious process known as Love Addiction, which is showing up in our practices more frequently.

Click here to register: douglas@thecenterforhealthysex.com or CALL 310-843-9902

When: Friday August 27, 2010 9:30 – 11:00 am

Where: Center for Healthy Sex

Cost: Free!

Click here to register: douglas@thecenterforhealthysex.comor CALL 310-843-9902


What is Erotic Intelligence?

What is erotic intelligence?  The word erotic means the “deliberate seeking of pleasure” and the word intelligence means the “skilled use of reason.”  Therefore, erotic intelligence means the deliberate seeking of pleasure using skilled reasoning.

Sex addicts deliberately seek pleasure, yet do so  without the skilled use of reason.  I wrote Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction as a guide to assist individuals in sexual recovery to skillfully move towards healthy, intimate, and erotic sex.

To read portions of each chapter of the book, go to the following site:

http://www.thecenterforhealthysex.com/eroticintelligence/book/



Intensive Out-Patient Treatment for Sex Addiction

Did you just figure out that you’re a sex addict?  Have you been in sexual recovery for a while and continue to struggle with staying sexually sober on a plan?  Do you think your partner is a sex addict and think he/she needs help?

At the Center for Healthy Sex we offer a low cost, highly effective alternative to long-term, more expensive in-patient hospital care.  For over ten years, the team at CHS has been providing intensive out-patient sex addiction treatment program for those in need.

Our IOPs are usually scheduled for the middle two weeks of every month.  To learn more about our 11-day program call 310-843-9902 or visit out site at www.thecenterforhealthysex.com

At CHS we’re devoted to assisting you in restoring your sexual health!

Erotic Intelligence now available!

Why I Wrote Erotic Intelligence – Watch the video!

You can order my new book,  “Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex While in Recovery From Sex Addiction” at the Amazon link below.  I wrote this book because so many people struggle with how to have healthy, exciting sex once they’ve committed to a life of sexual recovery.  I think you’ll find it an easy, informative, and useful read.  To order, go to:

http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Intelligence-Igniting-Recovery-Addiction/dp/0757314376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272214335&sr=1-1

Why I Wrote Erotic Intelligence – Watch the video!

Read the book, tell your friends, and comment on the Amazon page!

Sex Addiction Los Angeles