I’m not the one with the problem…

Often times partners or loved ones of addicts believe they have no part in the addicts behavior. Not so true. Although the addict is responsible for his/her own behavior, the significant people in their lives do have a part to play and that’s where the journey begins. Most of the time, a client who is dealing with addiction of a loved one will ask me, “What can I do about them?”

The answer, paradoxically, is to learn how to take care of yourself. This will create a trickle-down effect. Recovery for a loved one of an addict (child, spouse, co-worker, friend, etc.) begins with the admission that you are powerless over people, places and things…including the addict. The only thing you have control over is your own actions and reactions. If we learn to stay “on our side of the street” and take our own inventory, not theirs, we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. (pg. 83, Alcoholics Anonymous).

Therapy and/or 12-step programs, for example Al-Anon, S-Anon, or CODA, are where the significant others are going to find their solutions. Usually the answer to your problem lies within yourself. With professional help and guidance, partners and loved ones can find a new freedom and a new happiness, whether or not the addict recovers. It’s not an easy path but it is entirely possible to succeed with the right support. I encourage anyone dealing with addiction in their lives to seek some professional help and suppport. It’s the best thing you can do for you AND the addict.

For more information about support for family members you can contact Jill Vermeire, MFT at www.mytherapistjill.com

Sex Therapy Los Angeles

Sex Addiction Los Angeles


The Center for Healthy Sex (CHS) treats a broad spectrum of sexual disorders including; sex addiction, low sexual desire and sexual dysfunction. The experienced, highly skilled clinical staff of CHS offers intensive individual and group psychotherapy.

For more information visit www.thecenterforhealthysex.com or call 310.335.0997
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1 Response

  1. Lisa Merlo-Booth:

    When you say we need to stay on our side of the fence, I couldn’t agree more. I have a saying that I tell clients to help stress this point: “Changing me, changes we.”
    We are so skilled at looking at others we forget to look at ourselves. I’m glad to hear you are sending such a great message that so many of us don’t want to hear yet need to hear.

    Posted on April 11th, 2006 at 2:32 pm

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